Anger is a natural response to a feeling of frustration and helplessness. Despite the fact that Ani

I received an interesting e-mail. She sent him Anika, a young woman who asked for advice, so I advised her what is appropriate for her. Assertiveness course or individualki. Is the problem you ask for from a neighbor and sister the money they lent. On the contrary, not only can not get that money back, to continue lending them more.
It is full of anger on them, they are so cheeky and return the money themselves, and continue Drank abusing her good heart. Whenever you address them, you will find an excuse, do dog eyes or there is reason Anika retreats from its original intent. He's afraid to be resolute and neither hao123 really knows why. I would help them, but feel they can not appreciate it, that do not behave according to its liking - humbly and gratefully. It has been orderly chaos. Repeatedly tried one for the other serious talk. However, once you get in touch with them, withdraw her throat, losing power to speak convincingly, though she could not remember what she wants, feels awkward and inappropriately. hao123 It has even guilt. All these feelings overwhelm her!
She wrote that it is quite helpless and you can not explain why the team has a problem too! 've Already read various books on assertiveness, somehow just can not use it in practice. hao123 If it is a stranger, it can be harder and Stronger. But the problem is with the neighbor and sister.
I recommended it individualki. First needs to understand why the problem just with these two women. First need to change the attitude and look at the situation from above to understand why they always withdraw and take over her fear. Only then can the knowledge of assertive techniques and principles. It's hao123 kind of trucks, we can not well enough to use if we are not in themselves processed inside konflitky and fears and we have a problem with self-esteem.
Anika comes for consultation and he starts to explain how his sister again lent 100, otherwise hao123 it would turn off the electricity. The nurse can not manage money is badly paid job nor her husband not earn much ... Anika looking for good reasons to justify and explain their actions.
What about the neighbors? Neighbor has a very lovely. Jovial, welcoming, entertaining hao123 ... at least so perceived by Anika. Pour her flowers, dog walk out when going on a business trip. Neighbor does not work, has two young children. Two years ago, neighbor lent nearly 3,000. Had financial problems after divorce, so as to not have to move out. To date, only two hundred came out of it.
Anika lives alone, has no husband or children, or even have parents. The only person close to her sister's, hao123 which always helped. No one else does. It can not angered, with whom she spent the Christmas, who should? "It is not done yet!" Said Anika the first session. Several weeks passed and Anike started everything happen. Realized their fears and that you really love and closeness buys.
Saw her fear that her sister cease to love that relationship cooled and she's now abandoned as a finger. The only person who will remain a neighbor who also wants for similar reasons angered. She realized hao123 that a neighbor uses its tolerant nature, caused by fear, but she takes advantage of the neighborhood. Although it has never openly talked, among them is a kind of unwritten agreement. hao123 Neighbors of the debt with it ... I odpracováva hao123 for it a few times poumývala staircase, napečie her cook, when Anika lives working long hours and does not manage itself. Realized that she is afraid that these benefits come about, and not only. It has even fear that it poohovárala around the block of flats, what would people thought!
Anika worried for a while, it has to be "bad" when adjacent to sister! Poor what? Their skonfrontuje? hao123 Here, we can see what it is misleading our every motive and evaluate the behavior of each good and bad. Everything is a matter of point of view. Be authentic, truthful and clearly express their requirements is still correct. Importantly, of course, but also how and under what circumstances we say that such emotions and to color the tone. Anika was afraid to open this topic because it felt that it was under that amount of emotion. Anika was appalled that they would exploded, was too hard that it hurt them. Disrupted relationships hao123 and remained all alone. Problem should be "bad" in the sense recalled sister hao123 and neighbor unpleasant fact - "you owe me money", "you promised that you return them to me today." She choked it all in yourself and then in it created anger that is eating it at night.
Anger is a natural response to a feeling of frustration and helplessness. Despite the fact that Anika had a myriad of options to handle this, did not see them. She was afraid to cross the imaginary zone, which was convinced that this is something that would jeopardize relationships, and destroyed himself plunged into disfavor. For many of her fears were beliefs that were formed in childhood on the basis of negative experience. Anika experienced in childhood often harsh criticism and remorse for having been honest (flippant) and to preserve the selfish (thinking to himself). It was mostly about the banality, but it caused a block in it and then fear to defend themselves hao123 and their interests. hao123